2020: Are you Dreading or Trusting?

What are you looking forward to in 2020?

A long-planned vacation? A family reunion or wedding? A conference or get-away weekend? A new season signifying a new beginning? I have a few things I'm anticipating. Visits with my children and my growing grandkids always top the list. Then, there’s planting a variety of vegetables and flowers in the yard, attending a writers’ conference, and even spending a few quiet evenings with friends or with a good book. 

On the other hand, what are you dreading?

I'll be honest with you. At times, I find myself dreading quite a list of things. Things like managing a challenging relationship or tackling necessary paperwork or learning to navigate new technology. My conscientious side fears hurting those I love or making a mistake when it seems I'm feeling my way in the dark. And I don't look forward to facing health issues and growing older--alone. 

I'm learning that dread and trust are at opposite ends of the spectrum. If I'm dreading, even in the ordinary things, can I truly be trusting the God who promises to walk beside me as my refuge and strength through both the big and little challenges?

We’re not alone in this tug-of-war between dread and trust. Way back in the days when the Hebrew people finally camped on the brink of the Promised Land, Moses spoke these words, "Dread not, neither be afraid . . . The Lord your God Who goes before you, He will fight for you . . . Yet in spite of this word [the people] did not believe (trust, rely on, and remain steadfast to) the Lord [their] God" (Deuteronomy 1:29-30, 32 AMPC). As a consequence of their unbelief, they wandered in the wilderness for forty years instead of enjoying the blessings God had planned for them.

Lately, I've been challenged by the apostle John's reminder to "practice the truth" (1 John 1:6). The truth that God invites us to come to the throne of grace to ask for wisdom. The truth that He will never leave us or forsake us. The truth that He has a purposeful plan for our lives and will guide us every step of the way.

Throughout the past months, over and over, God has given me every reason to trust Him. These evidences of His power and involvement in my life serve as monuments to help me remember and practice the truth the next time my stomach knots up and I find myself dreading instead of trusting.

“Dread not. Neither be afraid.” Words of grace to live by every single day.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Psalm 56:3

Empty Yet Full

Empty . . .

An apt description of the house when the last one leaves after a holiday. Can you relate? No bags stashed here and there. No toys to trip over. No sippy cups in the kitchen sink. No crowded bathroom counters and towel racks. No half-open suitcases. No scattered shoes and boots in the breezeway. No extra cars in the driveway.

And more obvious, no adult children and grandchildren gathered around, playing games, laughing, or eating around the table. All may be calm and bright, but as the emptiness echoes its stillness, I feel the loss.

At the same time, my heart is full . . . full of memories. Talking until 2 a.m. the night my college-age daughter flew in. More hours of talking, talking, talking. Shopping at Kohl's because her internship is right around the corner. Listening to her play the piano and sing. Welcoming the older girls and their families. Catching up. Cuddling a two-month-old and seeing his wide smiles for the first time. Reading stories. Singing carols by a crackling fire. Taking my oldest grandson to see The Nutcracker the day after Christmas. Enjoying a roast beef Christmas dinner, along with my dad and a friend. Playing Jenga. Sharing gifts and stories. Missing those no longer with us.

One family came on Sunday the 23rd and left the very next day due to our three-year-old's bout with vomiting and diarrhea. After a hurried gift opening, we all had tears in our eyes when they pulled away to try to get home, mommy and bucket in the back seat just in case.

Today, I said my last good-bye of the season. Our youngest drove off in her daddy's 2005 Corolla, new wiper blades in place, EZ Pass transponder and GPS attached to the windshield and, just to make me feel better, a few maps tucked in the passenger door pocket. Since 2015, I've babied this car . . . inspections, tires, maintenance . . . because I knew this day was coming, the day when she would drive it back to school in the mid-west. Barry would be proud of her (and all of them) if he were here. 

After a good cry, I got busy. Putting things in order has always been my way of coping. Does it ever get easier? 

As I mopped the bathroom floor and folded towels, I thought about what happened after Mary's encounter with Gabriel. Luke 1:39 tells us, "In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah" to visit Zachariah and Elizabeth. Although the Bible doesn't mention Mary's mother, I couldn't help but wonder how she felt when Mary said a hasty good-bye to take a 70-mile trip. Did concern for her daughter's well-being and safety occupy her thoughts? Did she wake up to pray in the dark of the night? 

Somehow this ancient un-named mother gave me courage as I said my own good-byes today. She invested years sharing biblical truth and practical knowledge, then moved out of the way to allow her daughter to follow God's leading. In the same way, I want to be supportive of all three of my daughters. I hope we've given them roots. Now it's time to give them wings (and wheels!). 

Empty? Yes, but with a heart full of thanksgiving and anticipation in a brand new year. 

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Striking a Balance

Is it just me, or is January 2018 zipping by at breakneck speed?

Seems I'm just getting around to reflecting on the new year's possibilities along with a few goals and hopeful intentions. In the process I reached for one of Barry's books I finished in 2017 and found the page with the corner turned down. Sometimes when you don't have time to think about something in the moment, it's nice to go back and find it again - this time to digest it slowly, like savoring a candy bar you saved for later. 

Here's what I've been thinking about (along with making time for rest, exercise, and connecting with people):

Reading is a sober discipline, and all discipline is difficult. It requires work, diligence, concentration, practice, and maturity.

But that is the way it is with anything worthwhile. The best things in life invariably cost something. People have to sacrifice to attain them, to achieve them, to keep them, and to enjoy them. 

That is one of the most important lessons anyone can learn in life. It is the message that most parents realize that they ought to instill in their children: Patience, commitment, diligence, constancy, and discipline will ultimately pay off if their children are just willing to defer gratification long enough for the seeds they have sown to sprout and bear fruit.

A flippant, shallow, and imprecise approach to anything . . . is ultimately self-defeating.* 

Maybe sometimes in the heat of the day, we forget that "anything noble takes effort." 

I read another book, this one requested for Christmas by one of my daughters. I have a habit of reading the books I gift, both before and after they're opened! This one started out with an allegory about a student who wanted to take piano lessons. He practiced and practiced. When he plunked out his little tune during his lesson, the teacher came alongside him and began to play. Melodious music filled the room. When they finished the teacher smiled and said, "We make pretty good music together."

The boy looked up at him. "You don't mean we, do you?

"Yes. We made the music together. You did what you could, and I did the rest."**

The story includes many wonderful scenes and lessons, but this line struck a cord with me. We often are like the child . . . practicing commitment and diligence, working hard . . . as we should. Yet our efforts often seem like the awkward tune the boy struggled to play. And that's when the Master Teacher comes alongside us and whispers, "You do what you can, and I will do the rest."

Striking a balance? There will always be a tension between the hard work of taking our responsibilities seriously and watching/hearing God make our labored efforts sing. In the next post or two, I'll be sharing some examples of this very thing.

 

*Going Somewhere: A Dan and Bea Adventure by George Grant (Nashville: Cumberland House, 1999). 254.

**When Being Good Isn't Good Enough by Steve Brown (Brenham: Lucid Books, 2014), 24.

Photos from bing.com/images free to use

The Week Between . . .

"Mom, you don't have to go through all this trouble," one of my daughters remarked as I set the table using my good dishes and goblets. 

I flashed her a smile as I placed the silverware and napkins just so. "I eat by myself every night. Do you know what it means to me to have you all here? To be able to set a proper table? To enjoy the hubbub? 

This week, I've been savoring the memories of them all being here . . . the rompings of two little boys, the hush as we sat together at the Christmas Eve service, the birthday cake for Jesus, the traditional reading of the Christmas story, the adult gift exchange, the excitement of the children, the singing of carols as the fireplace blazed, the never-ending chit chat . . . 

The week between Christmas and New Year's also offers a unique opportunity to look back and remember events of the past year. Many changes have taken place in our family in 2016. The first year anniversary of Barry's passing, Elisabeth's graduation from high school and enrollment in college, the release of Penned Without Ink: Trusting God to Write Your Story, the quietness of living alone for the first time . . .

The week between Christmas and the new year naturally turns our attention to the future. What will 2017 bring? Only God knows. One of my most precious memories of last weekend was when we went around the table and each one shared their hopes and plans for the new year: an online class, a road trip to the mid-west, a possible summer internship, a new place to live, a quilt to complete, a desire to maintain the status quo, an effective marketing plan, a determination to down-size . . . all areas we can be praying for each other about . . .

A wise king once wrote, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. . . . Many are the plans in a  man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails" (Proverbs 16:9; 19:21). There's a bit of comfort in these words. 

In this week between Christmas and New Year's, take the opportunity to meditate on God's goodness in our past and the promise of His presence in our future. 

Immanuel . . . God with us!

 

A New Year . . . Are You Apprehensive or Hopeful?

A couple years ago, I wrote a few thoughts titled A Brand New Year, But the Same Old Me. True, isn't it? It's easy to feel defeated before we begin. Yet, God is always the same, too, no matter what year it is. I think about this every time the calendar changes. Rather than focus on the same old me, I want to focus on the eternal God, who is the "same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). The Lord who is our refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1). The One and has a habit of "doing exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).

My dad and I chatted about the new year on the phone today. Perhaps both of us feel a little apprehensive about the unknown months ahead. Our family has taken some hits the past few years. My mom passed away in 2013. Dad had triple by-pass surgery the same year, plus a few visits to the ER since. Then there's the quiet defeats, the disappointments, the rewrites of life.

But never without the presence of God. Never without His grace and direction. Never without His Word to comfort us and keep us centered in the truth. Never without His faithfulness. . . . Never without hope.

That's a lot to be thankful for.

After our car accident in 2003, a pastor friend challenged me to "dream big." I've thought about that now and then as the years have slipped by. Perhaps 2015 will bring me closer to my goal of publishing our story, a story of learning to trust in the midst of trauma.

So, how do you feel about the new year? Apprehensive? Hopeful? A little of both? As we step into January 2015, the God who created the universe walks by our side. "My times are in your hands" (Psalm 31:15). 

 

Beyond New Year's Resolutions

January's still fresh as new snow. Are you still thinking about any New Year’s resolutions you may have jotted down a week or so ago?

I am. Seems to me it’s a good thing to reach higher, to stretch, to set some goals. Yet, perhaps there’s a way to view them that sees beyond the earthbound, beyond the here and now. Consider ten things I hope will nudge us in that direction during 2014 in Catapult Magazine.

Change for the New Year?

Happy New Year!

I've asked professional counselor and guest blogger, Heather Hall, to share some ideas on how to figure out what's most important in the big picture of life and in the day-to-day implementation of it all. Her ideas are practical and, I think, will be a help to us all. Welcome, Heather!

When God sets a blank sheet of paper (such as a new year) before us, how do we decide what to put on it? How do we capture all the hopes, dreams, trials, and responsibilities that clamor for our mind and emotions and make them “obedient to Christ” and His plan? 

Several years ago a friend suggested the idea of taking a DAWG day (Day Alone With God). I try to do this at least once a year but more often than not, it ends up happening when life is pressing in, change is coming, and I need to take some time to “be still” and do some rewriting suggested by the Editor of my story.

The idea is to set a whole day aside to bring ourselves before the Lord. Be intentional about putting it on the schedule. Send the kids to Grandma’s or swap babysitting with a friend. Get the kids on the bus and your husband off to work. Take a day off from work yourself or set aside a Saturday. Turn off the phone, computer, and TV.

Grab a blank sheet of paper and a pencil, your calendar or planner, and find your favorite place of solitude. I like to camp out on my living room floor and light some candles. I start my DAWG day with praise by singing along with some favorite praise and worship songs.

Next, I pray through the thing that is most heavy on my heart. This past year my family, including me, has been through several serious health issues, so I needed to take some time to identify my emotions and fears and then identify the truth regarding those situations. Those go off to one side of the page.

After that, I get out my calendar and pray over the days and months ahead. I bring before the Lord vacations, trips, weekend plans, and my daily schedule. The first items go right onto my calendar and the daily schedule goes in the middle of the blank page. Everything is a question, and I must purpose to listen for the answer. “Lord, when you do you want me to get up? When do I get to spend time with you? When do I exercise? When do I go to bed? What do I do before work? After work?”

Some of the other items I might pray over are personal Bible study (“Lord, what do you want me to study next?”),what ministries to be involved in at church and outside of church, mentoring opportunities, and finances. Each gets its own space on the page.

Always, I must take time to consider offenses I must forgive or ask forgiveness for.

Lastly, I surrender all the things above to God, which I’ve tried to do throughout my time with Him that day, and ask Him if there is anything else I need to surrender.

At the close of my DAWG day, I find myself refreshed and at peace with my now much-written-on sheet of paper. However, as I begin each new day remembering that “His mercies are new every morning,” I must present both my filled up page (that’s why it’s in pencil) and my blank page for that day to the Lord with the following question: “What’s the plan today, Lord?”

Heather Hall is a Licensed Professional Counselor who counsels and teaches at The Love Life Marriage & Family Center. in Clarks Summit, PA. She will be having another DAWG day soon as she finishes a PhD in Human Development and considers what God wants her to do with all that time she no longer has to spend studying. She’s hoping voice lessons, travel, quilting, and cooking for friends and family are part of the plan.