This time it was the back door. We've always called it the "back" door, but in reality it faces the street just like the front door. Maybe we should say "patio" door!
I knew I was in trouble when turning the doorknob didn't bring the latch in all the way and therefore I couldn't close the door. Hmmm . . . So I gave the door a good push. Success! I got the door closed but then the stubborn doorknob would not budge. There would be no coming and going out the "back" door until . . .
But wait! I could use the front door. The deadbolt worked fine as usual, but on closer examination I discovered the doorknob we seldom used had issues, too. That's all I needed . . . to have this one go completely and then I'd be stuck . . . either in or out. I've figured out a lot of things in the past 22 months but this job . . . well, I needed help.
Why is it so hard to ask for help? To communicate what we need?
Maybe it's because we don't want to bother people or inconvenience them (my default). Or we don't want to be indebted. Or it goes against our American ideal of independence. Or we don't want the added attention.
I've done a little thinking about this the last few days and even talked it over with my girls. There's something about community or interdependence that we miss when think we should be able to do life by ourselves. Perhaps we make assumptions about what's good for others, thereby seeking to manage their experiences. Letting them decide (yes or no) lessens our anxiety and frees us up to ask for what we need, invite friends over, or offer our gifts and abilities.
The night of the door jam, I found myself pacing the floor with the phone in my hand. A voice echoed in my mind: "If you ever need anything, please call me." So, taking a deep breath, I called.
"I'd be glad to help you, Sarah. How about my wife and I stop over tomorrow evening?" My eyes welled up with tears as I stuttered my thanks. The next day, I ran to Home Depot to pick up new doorknobs - and not the $9.97 variety either. In ten minutes flat our friend had the old locks out and the new ones in. Amazing!
And then they stayed. Unhurried, we chatted about our families, churches, and health concerns. About travel plans, my leaky gas meter, the house they would soon be selling. I will always remember their kindness in valuing our relationship enough to visit for a while. They blessed me beyond measure. I will think of them every time I open and close my "back" door.
Later, I thought of the joy I received from bringing a meal to a new mom, cleaning a friend's house before her son's graduation party, and visiting a lonely senior. I recalled the university students who shoveled two feet of snow off my driveway and had fun doing it. My friend with the green thumb who helped me with my garden and shared how coming over lifted her spirits. The brothers who cheerfully put in my air conditioners and left with a few of Barry's Greek books. The rich fellowship with old friends who came for the weekend to replace my bathroom floor. We all need the give and take of community.
I'm learning . . . God meant it to be that way.
I'm learning . . . God meant it to be that way.
"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."
Hebrews 13:16
Sarah, I really enjoyed this post! I hadn't considered what you shared, that part of our hesitancy to sometimes ask for help could be our assumptions about what's good for others.
ReplyDeleteI've experienced this at times when people want to chip in money for gas or a gift and I'm quick to say "no, it's okay." Now I look at it that if it's on their heart to give, aren't I actually depriving them of the blessing of giving by saying "no"?
So you're right--all this works both ways, the joy of giving and receiving flows both ways, and the bottom line is we need each other. Thanks for all the good thoughts here!
Thanks, Cheryl, for your thoughts - and broadening the topic a little more. You summed it up perfectly: We need each other!
DeleteMy grandmother always used to say that it was as important to be a graceful receiver as a graceful giver and would remind us often not to steal someones's "blessing" by not allowing them to give, help, etc. A very wise woman like someone else I know.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice from your grandma . . . Thanks for sharing - good to remember when we need help. Blessings to you!
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